Monday, June 29, 2009

The Legendary Pink Dots Hollywood 5/2/93 ive always wanted to post something like this so i am going to start with a boot of my favourite band in the whole wide world...yes im gushing...i absolutely love the legendary pink dots...this recording is above average recording...for me it is sentimental as though i was not at attendance at this show they played phoenix before this i believe and that tour was the first time i ever caught them live...i was used to the whole drummer guitar bass singer type of thing being involved in metal and punk and have been curious about a band such as this...this show changed my life...the phoenix show was at a now defunct club called The Roxy off 20th st and camelback and opening act christus christus was odd and entertaining...but this, this was magic...unfortunately this is the only LPD boot i own and i am soooo open for more...this is a two cd set and both discs are in the download...enjoy!


1. Intro
2. City of Needles
3. Ghosts of Unborn Children
4. Stitching Time
5. Tower One
6. MMMmmmmmmmmmm...
7. Evolution
8. Golden Dawn
9. Encore Une Fois
10. Maniac
11. Blacklist
12. Window on the World
13. We Bring the Day
1. Hellsville
2. Close Your Eyes, You Can Be a Space Captain
3. The Grain Kings
4. Disturbance
5. Just A Lifetime

soon im going to learn how to make a linky thingy

Sunday, April 5, 2009

dreamcell version 2

though I have said it many times, i have really come to terms with the fact that phoenix is not an ambient town…i attempted to create dreamcell as a place for people to come and enjoy music of otherworldly proportions, just as someone before me known as headspace ventured to do…alas that fell away

but upon further research into the ethereal i came to realize that I can still create a space of peace for travelers to reside for a while and listen to the music that would lead them to their own thoughts, or whatever flights of fancy each listener may experience…instead of a specific location and designated time, the traveler may stop here in the dreamcell as one may a rest stop along the highway…though this one is more for spirit than body, the body will usually follow wherever the mind leads it…

dreamcell utilizes the playlist feature that we all have as well as selected videos for your enjoyment…dreamcell also utilizes the latest need to multi task…so as dreamcell plays music for your inner mind, you can keep the window open, and let it play in the background while you do what needs to be done in that moment of your beautiful life…as with dreamcell the real world, dreamcell the virtual will specialize in ambient, experimental, outsider, beautiful and ugly sounds… just remember that myspace is still a commercial endeavour and that after three songs you will need to restart the player from where your dreaming left off…sorry, this is out of our hands…

dreamcell is a project that I will update but as for a solid time as to when I am not sure…I would like to do this maybe biweekly to even weekly, but unlike my dreams I am human and prone to whatever that may entail…but for now I present you with the new dreamcell, a place where dreamers, travelers, somnambulists and wanderers can reside for a time and allow themselves to drift into oblivion…and one does not need to be a member of myspace to enjoy themselves…so please tell someone if you enjoy what we are doing here in the labs…

thank you for your time

world wide web (dot) myspace (dot) com(slash thingy) dreamcell_labs

Thursday, February 12, 2009


So everyone has their pick for The Oscars. This is my first stab at boring you senseless with my drivel; as if you care about what I have to say about an over bloated industry that, for the most part, deserves to be ignored. So why do I even care? Because like all art forms, sometimes things stand out that must be acknowledged.
I’ve been an avid Oscar watcher for quite the amount of years. I have seen it where Best Movie meant “Movie you will forget after 2 years”. Meaning that the movie that won would go on to obscurity while the other nominees (usually one that makes people really talk about it and the craft itself) will go on to cult status or an entry into our cultural lexicon.
I am glad to see that change in the last few years. What we’re seeing is indeed quality over quantity. I read an essay by Roger Ebert about how audiences are not tuning in as they once was. One theory is that The Academy is made of newer, younger more indie minded stock and their selections are not the big money makers as they were in the past. Fine. Good I say. I grow weary of the super blown epic. Lacey (my fiancĂ©) wanted to see Australia and I reluctantly went. Were this the normal group they would’ve chosen this borefest. The same people that decided, somehow, that Gladiator was deserving of a Best Picture nod. I love Ridley but that was soooo not his best. Same group that chose Scent of a Woman to be nominated as Best Picture.
I also find it interesting that as each year goes by, it seems like The Academy Awards are being televised sooner and sooner to make sure that we have seen all those nominated. I remember March being the Oscar month and by that time most of the films nominated have left the theaters. I wish this were a good marketing ploy but as I write this, He’s Just Not That Into You is the number one movie in America. I weep for my country. It’s going to get to the point where as they announce the nominations, the winners will be given their statuettes ten minutes after.
Anyway, despite all my years of watching The Oscars I too fall into that OK let’s get on with it feeling for “lesser” nominations, but it takes a village it is said and so it does for a film as well. So let’s get on with it. I am going to go over the 7 major contenders.

Best Supporting Actor
Really. Is there a choice? Is there a possibility of a dark horse? If you know who does not win, then by all means, allow Public Enemy’s track “Burn, Hollywood, Burn” play in the background as it does.

Best Supporting Actress
Sometimes I feel like Bill Murray when on SNL News segment when he says he didn’t get the Best Supporting categories. I hope I’ve somewhat been able to figure it out.
I would go with Viola Davis, Doubt. She pulls this astonishing feat where she acts, face to face, with one of the masters, Meryl Streep. Not only that, but her performance is one of those pivotal scenes that reveal something of dire importance. But she doesn’t overdo it. It is done with the subtlety of a woman who knows exactly what needs to said and done for the betterment of her character’s son, and no more. You hang on to every word and watch her every move. You expect her to collapse under the weight of the burden of what she knows and what she really wants to convey, but keeps herself in stressed check.
Amy Brown could be the upset here and interestingly enough from the same movie. The way she plays her young nun in conflict is not overwrought, but enough innocence with world knowledge to maintain a quiet confusion that keeps you wondering what’s going on in her head. Marissa Tomei would be my next choice after that.

Best Actress
Problem here is that I have not seen Rachael Getting Married or Frozen River. So could I make a good guess here? I can try with what I know. I loved The Reader but Winslet really shined in Revolutionary road. Streep was just magnificently cold in Doubt and because of that I am going to have to go with her. I know she is classic Hollywood, old school and she has hers already. But she is a constant nominee because she is a constant talent (and yes I am ignoring Mamma Mia).

Best Actor
Wow, this one is tough because I am almost equally torn between Sean Penn’s portrayal of Harvey Milk in Milk, Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler and Frank Langella as possibly the best Richard Nixon EVER in Frost/ Nixon. But when thinking it over I am going to have to go with Sean Penn. Mickey was absolutely stunning and I really felt the pain in his character. I just sat in awe as this man just revealed himself scene by scene, but Penn wasn’t acting so much as he was creating a living embodiment. This wasn’t just a tribute but a show of respect for a person who deserves to be remembered. Nixon does too but for different reasons. Rourke would be a very close second with Langella a closer third.

Best Director
Danny Boyle. Really. Is there anyone else on this list that completely elevated the art of cinema more than this British madman. (Does anyone else find it kinda scary that he looks like a reserved Quentin Tarantino?) What he did in Slumdog Millionaire is nothing short of breathtaking, down to the creative way he placed the subtitles. Which leads us to…

Best Movie
Is it any surprise that I too will choose Slumdog Millionaire? This movie was a joy to behold, to watch, to feel and that’s what makes this movie so damn good. You feel it. You feel the characters and you feel the pains of being in the slums of India. You feel the true love of these characters as they are tested throughout their lives. It’s beautiful in color, sound and scope. It moved me deeply and stirred my heart. You cheesily root for our hero and you know you’re doing it and yet you let this gem do it. Only one other movie moved me to my core this year.

Ok so those are the categories that are normally discussed. So why do I say seven? Here’s why.

Best Animated Feature Film
I hate this category. Sure, at first I thought it was cool that The Academy finally got the clue that yes; animated movies can be and have been as powerful in storytelling and emotive power as the live action. But with this category, it slights the animated movies that do indeed move us to a ghetto. It treats the animated art form as a child’s toy; as a red headed stepchild if you will. “What?” The Academy would say. “Wasn’t nominating Beauty and the Beast enough?” No we said. So the category was created when The Academy was shouted at for snubbing Aladdin. And what we’ve seen over the years is more or less a condescending attitude towards the form. The proverbial bone tossed just to say “See, we acknowledge your, umm, talents.”
If I had my way, Bolt and Kung Fu Panda would not be on that list. I did enjoy Kung Fu Panda very much (well I do have this thing about pandas) and Bolt was entertaining. But Wall-E and Waltz With Bashir are what makes movie going not time killers but events. They both qualify to be at the coveted adult’s table. They have very moving storylines. They both have amazing characters, though Waltz is a documentary.
In fact if there be an Animated category, Waltz would be there and not the other Academy Ghetto, Best Foreign Film. Wall-E should be in place of The Reader.
So with that my pick for Best Animated blah blah is Wall-E. What moved me about this film was how it did not look down on its audience. It treated us as intelligent beings that could use our heads to figure things out. Case in point: no dialog for the first third of this movie. Second case: a very sharp criticism of our destructive, wasteful nature. But the surprise of this movie is that beautiful, quirky romance between Wall-E and EVE. Imaginative, well written, a marvel to look at, this is what movie making is about. This is now my favorite Pixar movie and like how Disney used to be, I very eagerly look forward to seeing a new Pixar movie when they come out.
I am also looking forward to The Academy treating movies such as Wall-E like Wall-E treats us; as adults. I can dream.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

a fatman learns to breathe chapter 1

Tonight I went to my yoga class after taking last week off..well there was the MLK holiday and I decided that doing it Friday and then returning Monday (thanks to the advice of a friend) would also be a bad idea…the first week back to school I overdid things and went tread milling everyday and then yoga that first day as well..ouch…my body felt it…

As I was in the class my mind was swirling with thoughts of what have I done now..sending signals to the world and thus bringing my fear of whatever sin I may have committed now level back to near stress levels…I went in and the class was begun by one instructor who started us on some stretches and already I was like "do you not see me? The fatted calf?" I felt she was going a bit too fast…but I tried to keep up with the something dog…

So then the real instructor walks in and sarcastic thom completely kicks in…his name is Michael and he sounds exactly like a yoga instructor named Michael…I just shake my head because when I see something that appears clichĂ©d my defenses go up and I get into my angry man against the world mode…

He takes over and once again I am feeling as if he is completely ignoring the fact that I said I was a beginner and going on as if I didn't exist…"for those that can go on reach high"…at one point I am sweating profusely and am ready to leave…but the voice inside me began to drill sergeant me to staying... "you think this is going to be easy? This change this exercise this new person…is that supposed to happen overnight?"…no I say and I stay with it…"now those that can…"

For some reason I went in upset, I was feeling myself on the verge of tears…I kept myself in control but somehow I was feeling a hurt and I thought it was my own at first…I kept saying to myself "well thom you've done it again you've over done things and now you've scared someone away…what have you learned?" but as the session continued my inner ear began to listen to Michael…"now those that can…there are many different body types here…respect what you can do, do what you're comfortable with…respect what your body can do…" oh, he was in tune with the varying levels of accomplishment in the class.

My outer ear finally caught up to what the subconscious had heard and in one pose I had to look at myself in the mirror…I began doing that during this ordeal I am going through but have slacked recently..I have never in the past liked looking at myself as what I see always disgusted me…I forced myself to look at that face…but the past couple of weeks I have distracted myself and just merely glanced while brushing my teeth and that's about it…so in one stretch I was face to face with myself and I forced myself to see me in the eye…"you're going to do this"…I began to listen to what Michael was saying, pain was still harboring my heart and my eyes wanted to let flow…I wouldn't allow it..not in class…

We sat and while breathing Michael said "now think about what you want to be and who you are…what are you?"…I almost lost it at that point…my mind reeling from the good angel devil angel arguing about who and what I am…"I don't know anymore…you are a good person…am I?'…I maintained my sanity and carried on with the stretches as thinking about who I am continued to go through my mind I was definitely not doing this session with a clear mind or spirit…

But it was a statement I could not let go of…"think about who you are…if you can't do that just go ahead and gently drop to your knees…respect your body…think about what you are…" what am I? The list, the mantra I gave myself to focus on a couple of weeks ago came back to me…I had lost focus on it…

I am a dj

I am a writer

I am a musician

I am a creative spirit

I am an artist

I am voice talent

I am a poet

I am a singer

I am a promoter

I have good friends

I focused more intently on Michael's instruction now, my defenses almost completely dropped…almost at the end of the instruction we are sitting and he says to us "you are in the palm of mother earth…she gives us shelter, food and water…what will you give back to her…"

What will I give back to her?...the question tied itself with who am I…"what are you going to do in 2008?"…tears fight themselves to be known but I push them back with force and focus not on my pain but the answer to these questions…

Who am I? what am I going to give back to mother earth? 2008? My mind is already on the brink of insanity trying to figure out why I am feeling pain until it hits me…maybe this pain isn't mine…maybe this pain I am feeling is the pain of another, a soul kindred crying out to the universe feeling as alone as I…I know many people right now who are going through some really tough times…the vibe in Arizona is just not a good one right now…I let go of me for a second and focus on what I am doing…yes it is my pain and yet not my pain…

I am thom gabaldon and I hurt…today I hurt…but today I can accept that I will hurt…tears will form themselves in my ducts and my chest will swell with the hurt I feel…tomorrow I will be ok…I think about these words as Michael continues stretching us "for that that can, there are many variations of the pose…" who am I? What will I give back to mother earth? What will I give back to this universe? How do I see myself in 2008?

I am thom gabaldon














During this I started thinking about people, I started thinking about my friends…I always joke that I hate people..I don't…not really…going out as I have has been very beneficial if trying…the hurt sometimes creeps up on me when I see certain events as what happened Saturday…but then coming out and being out has shown me the things I neglected for so long..taking yoga and experiencing this pain my heart harbors has opened my eyes to what truly matters…I am a dj I am a writer I am an artist I am a singer I am a creative spirit I am a vocal talent I am doing I want to collaborate I want to be around people I want to be in front of people I want to promote I want to live I want to be alive

I want to live the life I had first imagined when I was in the third grade…before sex and masturbation sidetracked me to obsession…I must accept that in this life, I will never be anyone's best…ever…but I can be damn good…and it was that obsession, and the catholic fear of it that cause me to wreck so many good things in my life..I am thom gabaldon dj/writer/poet/singer/solo performer/group performer/vocal talent/host/promoter/creative spirit/living breathing soul…today I hurt…today I can support friends…tomorrow I may hurt some more…but today I live…tomorrow I will live…

And I have beautiful friends

I have the friend a bit wise past her years who held my arm as I wept in the club.

I have the friend whose smile always warms my heart (I am a sucker for a beautiful smile) whose heart also aches from a pain almost unbearable.

I have the friend who said to me outside the club "The world loves you!" in that raspy voice that I can imitate dead on.

I have the boyfriend of the friend who for a moment scratched my back in a we're here for you supportive gesture.

I have the acquaintance who I knew from a friend who talked to me outside and said "So how are you?" He is now a friend.

I have the friend who can mix just about anything and has been a voice of reason when my world first came crashing down around me.

I have the friend who I've known for many years tried to set me up on a date that only ended up me writing about three poems about it.

I have the friend once known as stress boy who has become someone I never knew he could be: an inspiration to me.

I have the friend who remembered me from a concert so many years ago and made it a point to befriend me.

I have the friend who is a living hippy without the trappings thereof and one of the first friends I made out here.

I have the friend who helped me with my websites and then just eased into conversation with me for the first time as if we had known what was in our hearts for years.

I have good friends…I have many friends…my friends, I am thom gabaldon…I want to hold this feeling and carry it with me..I don't want to lose sight of it again…I want to be the person you and her know I am inside…I will never lose that heart on sleeve part about me…I will never stop living my life in front of everyone…Andy Kaufman is still my hero after all…I hurt today…tomorrow, who knows…my world was turned upside down and I know why and I know its causes…I am going through my old poetry and typing it out…such old words hat still ring true…what will I learn this time? I think we know…

Sunday night I went to a poetry in the round at a Glendale coffee was the first time in ten years that I had put myself out to people like that…there was one poem I read that they liked very much which I am not sharing now (I DO want to be a published author and if I publish the poem in a blog editors DO search these things out and it will be considered previously published) and I am eagerly searching out more poetry readings (not slams I'm not in that league)…I have been sharing some poems with you because I'm done keeping myself away…I'm done putting myself on the shelf and hoping that someone will discover me…I am done hiding behind guilt and fear for what I am and what I can do…I am thom gabaldon, entertainer…pleased to meet you

And to you reading this, please do not respond and you know who you are that I am talking to…I am honored you still read my blogs and am flattered you still keep tabs like that on me…I encourage you to please keep reading, just don't post anything right now…I ask you respect that and these words I place here are never closed to you…

My friends…today I hurt…tomorrow I carry on..I am not trying anymore, I am doing…a friend gave me a bracelet that I keep in my pocket that reads "believe, courage, strength"…it makes sense now…today will finally believe in what the universe has given me and will no longer keep it under wraps…I will have the courage to put myself out there and face whatever consequence happens be it good or bad…and I will find the strength in me to carry on and the strength of people who love me…now I must believe, find the courage and strength to love myself…something I neglected to do for far too long…

Maybe I'm just feeling that post yoga rush and these feelings are only some bizarre pseudo enlightenment that people can get…but I know what's in my heart…and these feeling have been there for so long…I must look at myself every day…I must not let go of my mantra..I must continue to do as I have been…I have much to do…and I hope…for the first time in my life…I hope

I am thom gabaldon

Today I hurt

But I am not alone


thom gabaldon 1/28/2008 1001 pm